I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
