I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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