I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
