I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drake has all the answers
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
