i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are a genius and a whore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
