The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
