God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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