i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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