it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
