you guys were way drunker than both of me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
someone owes me an orgasm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
