just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
