I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
