well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
