I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
