He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
