Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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