I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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