I'm really into asian looking animals
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
