I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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