she looked like the before picture.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
