Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
