I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
