i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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