Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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