She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
