a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
