I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
