So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
