that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
