can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
