look no pants
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
