And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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