You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
