I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
