Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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