I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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