you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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