Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A bitchslap is in order.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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