Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So. Much. Porn.
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