I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
