After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
