i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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