We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
