how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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