i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
