This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
