I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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