u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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