the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
