Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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